life's been complicated...i know thats the least explanative word i can use to explain whats going on...but somehow there is no other...
for now the reason ive stayed away from blogging for the past month is that i dont even know how to begin to explain the confused state that my mind is in these days! i feel like im standing in the middle of a very very crowded expressway with several paths leading to different lives and all of them have their own pros and cons and they each beckon to me for different reasons....and while im still trying to figure out which path should i go on....there is this overwhelming feeling of the fact that if i dont choose the right path; there is no coming back to this crossroads! that my entire future life depends on this very crossroads! i know i will eventually end up in the same place regardless of the path i take...but at this point its the journey that im worried about...its the next 50 years as i meander through life that im terrified about...!!
what is this crossroads?
choosing my life partner & charting my future!
what am i doing about making a decision?
everything but thinking about the decision...so ive procrastinated, ignored, postponed, delayed and dawdled enough to actually reach a point where im absolutely stationary! im not moving forwards or backwards...im being pinned motionless by forces which are pulling me from every direction imaginable...
there is the boy hunting & the love (i think?) of my life & the future career & the future studying to be done...
so how to procrastinate?
- random drinking with friends, saying stuff and doing stuff part of me knows i shouldnt be! but yes doing them nonetheless!
- escaping my life by rereading my fav fantasy novels - harry potter, the twilight series, the inheritance cycle...i love all 3 even tho im sure they are supp to be for 15 yrs olds and not a 24 yr old...!
- watching a lot of movies & tv serials...i have finished season 1 of cougar town...which is not that great but hard to stop once you start on it...finished all 6 seasons of entourage (over the last 2 months) which i absolutely love!! am now downloading & watching all the hindi movies ive missed in the last couple of months! saw paathshaala the other day...and even tho i feel the movie does not have the right impact...*drool* shahid! he is soooo hottt! :D
what im going to do now?
take up Preeti's positivity challenge...coz if there is something ive realized its that depression is very inviting, very easy...its so easy to just give in to the blackness...to just stop struggling so much...
but it doesnt help...because giving in will hurt people...and will hurt me long term...and hell i dont want to give in...despite the confusion i like my life and i will fight for it back!
inspired by Preeti...5 things that made me feel happy today:
1. have finally stopped under-selling myself at work and had a decent conversation with my boss about my career progression
2. wore a top of mine thats red & orange with loud stripes which i fell in love the minute i saw it! i stopped wearing it coz a friend of mine once said that stripes make me look fat...today morn i decided that i dint care! and i would wear what i loved! :D
3. had lunch with another friend who is going to be leaving sg soon...altho we have our ups & downs...im really going to miss her when she leaves! she is the only other person i know (apart from me!) who is up for anything anytime of the day! :P
4. am finally going to watch a hindi movie! hvnt watched any hindi movie in theater in sooo long!!
5. a good phone convo with papa...the crossroads have made it v diff for me to talk to my parents as they r so singularly obsessed!! today i called papa in the middle of a work day and we chatted for 20 mins on all career related stuff...and he only mentioned marriage once! so yes this is def a plus!
lets see if i can do this for another 7 days....! :)
Friday, July 23, 2010
About Me
- Sunshine
- A little bit of this & a little bit of that! I'm all sweet n spice! :D
4 comments:
Sunshine, All those happy things (moments) in just one day? Hmm I guess you are really floating on a tide of happiness these days :). Enjoyed knowing about your happiness and wishing whole heartedly that you find the same tide not just for the remaining 7 days but the whole life.
And about the ‘crossroads’ I was thinking that I may not be the right person to speak about this whole situation as I myself don’t have any experience about all such situations...But then finally the idea of leaving my opinion here found worth while as it can give you new dimensions of looking at the whole thing.
See there are two facets of this whole scenario. At one side, there is yourself who is so cautious about your future, you are not afraid of going out of the traditional way to live up your dreams and the big thing is you still have about 4 years in your kitty for that respectable age limit. And then at the other side there are your papa and mamma, eagerly waiting to see their little child getting married and settling down happily. They are so gentle that they gave you enough time and the right to take your own decision.
Actually I wanted to be my usual self and wanted to ask you the following things(As I have already said once). But now I think its better you answer them yourself.
whether marriage is compulsory?
(If yes, one day or the other you have to)
Isn’t being 24 way too early for marriage esp when you don’t have that spl someone in your life?
(If no, then why thinking so much? You should never drag something too long)
Isn’t it necessary to prepare your mind ready for marriage?
(If yes then start doing immediately)
Isn’t finding that spl someone necessary?
(Obviously it will be yes and hence try to define what is spl for you coz nobody will be perfect and you have to define it in such a way that he has most of the things you like.)
Coming to the natural things you are doing presently,
Ignoring, postponing, escaping or doing all the things which a part of you thinks that you are not supposed to do, is a temporary phase of life. And it will pass on once the whole part of you thinks that you are not supposed to do them. Till then enjoy the life as you may please.
But remember one thing...which ever path you choose or what ever decision you take, there will always be a crossroad on some or the other issue in life and there is no guarantee for anything in life and hence we should learn to move on ahead calculating only the positive things. Which ever has more positives then that is more appropriate for you.
It is left to you alone now whether how you make yourself and your parents happy.
Good Luck :)
The best thing about being on crossroads is that the options are right in front of you. And you just have to pick one. It is better than being lost and not knowing your options.
Think positive :)
@ Asif: okay so a couple of things...
- i dont have 4 years for the respectable age limit...the respectable age limit is my age today..!
- yes marriage is compulsory...i dont know if 24 is too early...but then again how early is too early? i was in my first relationship at the age of 16...!
- this thinking process, the issues, the whining is my way of preparing myself...
- yes it is imp to find that special someone...which is why the confusion...because i dont think i could settle for something other than exactly what i want...but then again 'never say never'
- its not that ive not been faced with crossroads before...we all face them at some point of time or the other...but this particular one is difficult because its one crossroad that you cannot change...the others like a wrong job, a wrong degree, a wrong house can all to some degree be changed...but there is no return policy on the wrong husband na?
thanks for the luck tho...m def sure m gonna need that! :)
@ S: yes that is true...it is better to be able to see your options rather than not know what ur options are!
see uve already learnt how to look at the glass half full! :P
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